In some opportunities, due to restrictions on visitors or physical distance, it is possible to say goodbye to a dying patient over the phone. In these cases, institutional sanitary personnel try to be as compliant as possible with families unable to be in the room when the patient’s death is imminent. They hold a phone to the dying individual’s ear, turn on a speaker phone, or even move to a video conferencing tool when applicable.
It is believed that hearing is the last sense to go, so it is possible to assume that words can be heard even if the patient can’t respond or is unconscious.
It can be difficult to know what to say in these final moments, so some tips to help with the process:
Stay focused. It is important that the family members focus on the relationship with the patient and talk specifically to him or her.
Take turns. If more than one family member is involved in the conversation, each person must get an opportunity to have their own moment to say goodbye to the patient.
Say “I love you.” These three little words convey so much and provide great comfort. They must be said freely.
Say “Thank you.” When the patient is thanked, he/she is made aware of his or her positive impact in the world. Thanks are due for the love or things him or her they taught the familiar = this validation lets them know they will leave a legacy.
Ask for forgiveness. If a complex relationship is weighing on a family member, him or her may take the opportunity to apologize for their part in it. The patient may not be able to respond or may respond negatively, but the familiar must accept its faults and do what it can to fix the situation,
Forgive. The patient may ask for forgiveness for any pain caused the familiar. Or they may be unable to speak due to physical limitations or their own lack of understanding or defensiveness. Regardless of their words or actions, the family member can take an important step to free he or her from the burden of resentment and bring new peace by offering up forgiveness.
Share stories. If the family member has time, he or she can move to sharing stories. Remind special holidays, trips, recipes, and outings you took together. Recall about inside jokes and special moments.
There is no easy way to have a final conversation with a loved one – especially by phone. Family members must acknowledge that they don’t need to have all the answers or the right words
Adapted from Crossroads Hospice and Palliative Care. Saying goodbye to a dying loved one by phone. Internet. Available at https://www.crossroadshospice.com/hospice-palliative-care-blog/2020/april/29/saying-goodbye-to-a-dying-loved-one-by-phone/ Accessed on May 15, 2024.